Hey guys!
I just came back from Game Sound Con 2019. I talked with many people, and wanted to write about something that was on my mind for the past 2 years.
2 years ago, as an introverted student without a job in the industry, I had the hardest time at conferences because I felt that I was a nobody and had nothing to share. “Just how do you talk with people?”
There are many things that goes into the art of conversing with others. When it comes to building relationships, if you notice any signs of forced happiness or biased warmness will only come off as fake, and often put you feeling as if you’re being used for their benefits. As conversationalists, it’s also very important that we train ourselves to not perform these acts that may raise those red flags, and it is our responsibility for us to be aware of our own conversational and body language flaws.
Let’s go over 5 impressions that if you paid attention to, could greatly improve your results at talking with others at networking events.
Eyes, Eyes, Eyes
Your eyes say thousands of words about your confidence level. Many people who are already engaged in conversations are subconsciously paying attention to what others in the room are doing. When a stranger walks in and they start scanning the room left and right too quickly, it’s easy to assume that they’re looking for the big fishes to talk with, and it really doesn’t look good in other people’s eyes. I find that attractive and confident looking people always seem to have their eyes focused on whoever they’re talking to, or whoever they want to talk with. When they shift eye contact, they do it ever so slowly. When someone switches eye contact too quickly, frequently, or looks away often, it signals that they’re nervous, anxious and insecure. Try to blink once in a while as well - sometimes it’s easy to get so absorbed into the other person that you forget to blink.
Be slow with your eye movements.
Joining a Group Conversation
The easiest groups to join are a group of 3-4 people. When joining a group of 3 or 4 people for a conversation, you’ll just need to do one thing. Walk up to an open space, smile and look at the person who is currently talking. That’s it. Maintain eye contact and smile if they’re smiling. Once that person is finished with what they’re saying, that person will most likely ask you for your name and even introduce you to others in the group out of courtesy.
Joining a 1 on 1 conversation is a bit trickier. You must know at least one of the people in that conversation pretty well, and you must not interrupt whatever they’re talking about. Be on the sidelines and tentatively listen to your friend who’s speaking, until they give you the attention. Then jump in, introduce yourself to the other person.
Joining a group that’s 5 or more means that the group will eventually break out into 2, and you should be aware of who you’ll be talking with when that group breaks - it usually ends up being people who are standing directly next to you.
Go in and keep eye contact until they introduce you.
Don’t Agree or “Wow, that’s crazy” with Everything
I’m so guilty of this. It’s easy to fall into the trap of agreeing with everything your conversational partner is saying - we think it’ll make them like us, but it actually does the opposite effect. In reality, if someone is saying ‘yes’ and ‘absolutely’ every single time we say something, we feel like we’re being tricked. Honesty is key when it comes to building relationships, so sometimes saying what’s on your mind actually makes you seem confident and as a leader. Even if it’s an unpopular opinion or may potentially be of an uneasy topic. Careless and easily impressible words are such as “Wow” and “That’s crazy”, are few words that mean nothing and will oftentimes end conversations at a dead track. What’s on your mind? You can say it out loud.
Say what’s really on your mind.
Avoid Fangirling - Be Cool and Let It Go
I want to point this out because I’ve done it, you’ve done it, and we’re all guilty of this at some point. We just admire someone so much, that when we do actually get a chance to meet them, we are flustered and just say all the wrong things.
Let me cut straight to the chase. If you want to look cool in front of your idol, say this:
“Hey ____, I just wanted to say thanks for bringing me joy with your work on ____”. I really enjoyed playing your game. (Make sure to talk about their latest work. Don’t fangirl over something that they did 10 years ago.)That’s clean and plenty enough - that other person will smile and if they’re not busy and willing to talk with you, they will ask for your name and even give you some advice. If not, that’s a perfect time to leave it there and transition to another topic, or simply say
“It was nice running into you, and I’d love to see you again sometime. Take care!” Chances are, you will run into that person again, and you’ll likely have a lengthier conversation next time.
The wrong thing to do would be to talk about your life story and how their work has transformed your life for a minute on end. There’s nothing more uncomfortable for a person to experience than to just stand still for 5 straight minutes while pretending to smile as another human being gushes out their admiration over them. Their time is precious.
Be concise and cool when admiring your heroes.
Be the First to Say Bye
All things must die at some point, and that applies to conversations as well. If you want to end it on a strong note, it’s best to actually leave a conversation before it gets too stale. Create opportunities to depart from a conversation with that person. If you need to go to the bathroom, excuse yourself (and ACTUALLY go to the bathroom. Right away. Don’t bump into someone on the way and start with them.) If you feel like you want to go out and meet other new people, or you’re just tired and you’re looking to head out, say:
“Alright guys, I’m going to go meet a few more people before heading out. It was lovely getting to meet you guys and I’d love to talk with you again soon. Let’s keep in touch.”
Also, make sure to handshake anyone that you’ve met for the first time and say their name again.
I know it sounds so easy, but someone has to make the call. Whoever does this first is usually seen as charismatic and as a leader type. Chances are, others were thinking the same thing too, but were afraid that it would be too awkward to do it. But 100% of the time I find it relieving when someone else does this and ends our conversation for us, and now I’m trying to do this myself too.
Make it a point to say goodbye first to end on a strong note.
As I attended more of these conferences, I see myself grow and understand that it’s really okay to be myself in front of others. Hopefully as you attend these conferences and networking events, you’ll come to realize that you can be more genuine in your interactions too. Take care of yourself and believe that you’re on your way to achieving your dream. Be positive and talk with newer people to help them out. One day you’ll get there.
That’s it for today! See you next time.
- Daniel